Tuesday, October 6, 2015

So Apparently I am A SASSHOLE

Yep that is right folks, I am a Sasshole.

My friend, (maybe she doesn't want me to say her name on my blog, she may get famous and then the paparazzi will show up at her house and she won't be able to go to Staters any more without being mobbed by crazed fans...) we'll just call her Schmeth... posted an article on FB called, "41 Signs You're A Sasshole".

I knew automatically that I in fact was a Sasshole!!!! I didn't even need to open the article. I am sassy, I have been told my hole life that I am sassy!!!! Pretty much daily I get called an asshole by someone I live with and I am not going to name names (not K or R). I like to think that he says it in a loving way. In fact, I am 99.9% positive that he finds me asshole-ness endearing.

Anyway, the definition of a Sasshole if you hadn't put it together yet is.... someone who is incredibly sassy, but also a little bit of an asshole.

Here I'll make it easy for all of you to find out if you are a Sasshole. I'll post all 41 signs indicating that you are one and you can check em' off as you go down the list. Please let me know how many you check off, I am interested in how many of my friends are truly jerks like I am.

  1. People who don’t know you think you’re a bitch. Generally
  2. People who do know you also think you’re a bitch, but a hilarious bitch. Sometimes
  3. For you, flirting consists of a series of witty insults (sometimes veiled as compliments). Definitely
  4. Absolutely everything that comes out of your mouth is dripping with sarcasm. Always
  5. You’re always the one who says the one thing everyone else is thinking but would never say out loud. A lot of the time
  6. And yet they still look surprised when you say it out loud. Pretty much
  7. You don’t discriminate; you judge everyone. 100% true
  8. You’re the kind of girl who hates cuddling and never stays the night. I have grown to like cuddling over the years. Think it was having kids that did it to me. But I can only take so much before I am outta there!
  9. Guys love you cause you can keep up with them. Guys usually want to be my friend because I am more like a guy. This causes me problems in life. 
  10. Girls hate you because you literally don’t care if you make a fool of yourself and anyone around you. I have been making a fool of myself since 1979
  11. Drunk or sober, you’re the life of the party. I wouldn't call myself the life of the party. But I am not a wallflower by any means. 
  12. You haven’t had a ton of boyfriends, because you haven’t found someone who can appreciate your crude sense of humor and who gives it right back to you. True and I was married/with the same person for like 16 years
  13. You’re known as the “funny” girl, which to you is a million times better than being just another “pretty” girl. I guess? I'd kinda like to be the pretty girl though. 
  14. You’re a pro at saying the most hilarious thing at the most inappropriate time. I think they are hilarious... I don't think everyone else does!
  15. You think most people are stupid. TRUE
  16. And you’ll tell most people they’re stupid. Not always to their face! 
  17. When guys actually try and flirt with you, you take it as an opportunity to troll the shit out of them. Uh, I think they are scared to flirt with me. 
  18. You’re the one friend who always steals another friend’s phone and texts “So what’s it like living with a micropenis?” to any guy in her recent messages. No, I am afraid of what I'll see on peoples phones. This is the age of sexting ya know! 
  19. You accept any and all dares. eh, not really but if someone is going to do something I do feel like I have to do it because I am highly competitive. Think Monica on Friends. 
  20. Your confidence cup is constantly overflowing. Yes, I am pretty confident. 
  21. Your friends, exes, and even parents are convinced you don’t have feelings. Now this is soooooo true. Except my mom knows my deep dark secret. 
  22. You do, though. They’re just hidden under mountains and mountains of attitude. Again, so true!
  23. You leave the worst best comments on your friends’ sappy Instagram posts. no, not really
  24. You don’t understand what a “filter” is or why everyone insists that you need one. a lot of the time
  25. You say “bye” to people’s faces. I don't even know what this means. Why wouldn't you say bye to their face? 
  26. And you don’t see the problem with literally dismissing people from your presence. I can easily dismiss people from my life and not look back, I learned that from my dad. 
  27. “Sorry not sorry” should be a permanent sign on your forehead. hahah yes
  28. Your entire life should come with a NSFW warning. nah
  29. You’ve been told multiple times that you deserve to have your own TV show. yes actually
  30. You aren’t afraid to put anyone on blast. if they deserve it!
  31. Not only are you not afraid, you actually enjoy it. again, if they deserve it!
  32. You call everyone a bitch. Or an ass. Or both. I have my own words! and you can't have them!
  33. Sometimes you wonder how you still have friends. all the time!
  34. Then you remember that they’re the only ones who understand your humor. yes
  35. When people say you’re being rude, you just say you’re being honest. I can kind of keep a handle on this
  36. You don’t sugarcoat anything. I am not going to lie. 
  37. You have your read receipts on so people know when you’re ignoring them. Nope
  38. You’ve been known to throw up a middle finger in pictures. that's so like 10 years ago. I am classy now. I just continue to make dumb faces!  
  39. You never “throw shade,” you just say it to their face. The term "throwing shade" is stupid so I am not going to even respond.  
  40. There’s a fine line between being sassy and being an asshole, and you cross it daily. All day errrrday!
  41. When your friend sends this list to you, you take it as a compliment. Hahaha depends on who sends it to me. 

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